As I write on social media about many things, it is quite common for people to assume I am a bold person. I am not really an outgoing extrovert. Not an introvert, but not a social butterfly either.
But many do seem to think I am an angry young woman who will tear their head off if they come near me, or call them out and shame them. No I won’t. Not unless you are creepy or you talk like ‘cute profayal pikchar sissy’.
On the other hand, those that talk to me also don’t really know me unless I make myself emotionally vulnerable to them.
I have seen many guys and spoken to so many of them. If not always, atleast 95% of the time I can understand if somebody is making sexual advancements at me. Not romantic, but purely sexual.
Now if I have to keep aside all my Indian cultural prejudices, arrive at this understanding that it is wrong only to invite strangers for sex talk but if it is someone you know and they are interested in just sexting with you it is not fair to judge them, so based on this I would have to just decline their offer or ignore their double meaning remarks or let them know I don’t like it. (And I have been doing this for quite some time)
But the thing is, many guys think that if a girl is bold and outspoken, they automatically assume she is up for sex, she will find obscene pictures and videos as a joke, she will laugh at sexual innuendos.
There are many guys who are still in 17th century, stereotyping women, slut shaming, body shaming, stalking, torturing and blackmailing women into relationships.
There are also many men who are not like that. They are capable of being nice friends,brothers, boyfriends etc., But even among these men, many still have prejudices against women who they think are bold.
She talks, she writes, she touches really sensitive and taboo topics doesn’t really mean she is up for sex always. She doesn’t have to sleep with twenty men to write about lust or sex. She writes about periods not for you to ask her gross questions about it. She might be a bold person but that doesn’t mean you have to make sexual advancements at her, ask cheap questions, send sex related pictures or videos.
If a girl talks or writes about something it doesn’t mean she is easy or she will let you poke your nose into her bedroom. We don’t really want to listen to you make sly moves and ask us questions about sex or our sex life.
The highlight is, whenever you encounter such advancements they are not always those people who you have just come to know. They would sometimes be the guys you would have known for a long time. In the end, it becomes really awkward to face them. Although they were the ones who did something uncalled for, you would be the one feeling bad to face them.
So please remember,
‘Casual sexual remarks are not tolerable, regardless of who the woman is’
‘If sex is what you need, just tell that directly and ask them if they are interested. (Don’t ask strangers, for you will end up in jail) If they say no, then don’t do it ever again’
‘Bold women are not necessarily sexually available women’
‘Nobody is here on social media to cater to your sexual needs’
‘As much as your sexual needs and desires matter, others’ feeling of not wanting it with you also matters. Learn to respect it’