Why you SHOULD have pre-marital sex
The Madras High Court certainly tries hard to live up to the first syllable of its name. They have just ruled that couples who have pre-marital sex can legally be considered as married, in some respects. If we weren’t sure that it’s 18 June and not April 1 today, we would think that the honourable High Court was trolling us all.
But that led us to think – what if this becomes a law throughout India, and people who have pre-marital sex are automatically considered as husband and wife? We think it might actually be a really good idea, because of the following benefits:
1. You can get a house: If you are single, everyone thinks that you and your friends are sex-crazed, drug-running, terrorism-promoting fiends. And you have to settle for a tiny house with a huge list of conditions laid down by a landlord. But if you’re married, you automatically become ‘decent’ and will get a recipe book free with your swanky new apartment.
2. You’ll never be bored by old wedding videos again: If sex replaces actual weddings, a lot of boring elements like the clothes, the speeches, and the relatives are completely removed, and we cut straight to the chase. We assume people wouldn’t be too keen on you watching their bedtime shenanigans with rapt attention.
3. Gay marriage will be legalised: India holds the dubious distinction of being one of the last countries to decriminalise homosexuality in 2009. But if everyone who has sex is married, gay couples will finally have what straight couples already had as a right — spouses.
4. People will stop hinting to you at weddings: Old relatives love to come up to single (wo)men and ask them why they aren’t married yet. But, if this new law comes through, most young people will be married, courtesy pre-marital sex. Problem solved!
5. ND Tiwari will become the most ‘married’ man in India
6. Less people will indulge in phone sex: More phone sex will lead to more Facebook marriages, which we are willing to bet the Madras HC will accept as valid in good time. So the next time you hear your neighbour in the train whispering sweet nothings into the phone, you can go Sena on him and drag him to the nearest temple.
7. Registry offices will get a lot more business: Till today, registry offices were visited only by couples who were married, in the old sense. From tomorrow, they will be visited in the middle of the night by dishevelled, semi-clad people who just got married, and are probably complaining that one of them got married too soon.
Can you think of any other reasons. Tell us in the comments section!