Monthly Archives: March 2012
Being comfortable with your other half is wonderful, however, you might have unconsciously picked up some habits along the way that turn him off. Here are the top 10 traits we think you should steer clear of.
10: Over-analysing everything Let’s face it, men really aren’t that complicated. So if a guy says, ‘I’m a bit busy right now. Can I ring you later?’ chances are, work’s really quite hectic. One kiss in his texts instead of the usual two doesn’t mean he’s gone off you, and a surprise cup of tea doesn’t mean he’s feeling guilty. So give men the benefit of the doubt, take things at face value and you’ll save yourself a heap of stress.
9: Wearing too much make-upwe’re all for making an effort, but caking on too much slap risks bringing out your inner drag queen rather than your secret sex kitten. False eyelashes, fake tan and hair extensions all have their place, but a girl can look fab without resorting to these tricks. Far much better to enhance your natural beauty instead of hiding it, and remind him how gorgeous you really are.
8: Shop till YOU dropif a man is lucky enough to share his life with a girl, chances are he has to share it with a massive shoe collection as well. Dragging him around the sales for hours, splurging obscene amounts of cash and then taking up valuable storage space with your spoils can drive him up the wall. While retail therapy can soothe many a crisis, perhaps leave your partner at home next time!
7: Taking forever to get readyEven if the end result is a vision of beauty, it takes a very forgiving man to shrug off a three-hour wait. Men understand women want to look their best, but are perfect nails and expertly smoothed dresses really necessary for a visit to your local curry house? Being ready quickly will show how laid back you are, and give you both more time to have fun.
6: GossipingAccording to scientific types, a good gossiping session is a way of bonding and triggers the release of endorphins; those hormones that make us feel happy. This is all well and good, but when it descends into a bitching fest it can be a turn-off. And if the focus of the gossip is someone the man knows too, it can be very awkward next time he sees them.
5: Pinching other people’s chipsNo one’s going to judge a girl if she orders her own plate of chips, or a dessert for that matter. But if you virtuously stick to a salad and then proceed to demolish the tasty stuff from the plate opposite, it’ll raise a few eyebrows. Go on – order the chocolate pudding if you want it. And don’t worry if you don’t want to share!
4: Obsessing about weightWomen are bombarded with images of perfect beauty, so it’s no wonder fretting about our appearance is an hourly past-time. But even though it might not seem like it, men just aren’t as interested in our bingo wings as we are. If you radiate self-confidence, no one’s going to notice those extra three pounds you put on recently.
3: Nagging‘Have you paid the gas bill yet? Are you EVER going to fix that shelf?’ Women have a habit of going on in such a way that the more they nag, the lower the chance their man will ever do whatever it is they’re being asked. The solution? Do it yourself! Failing that, ask sweetly and sparingly, and lavish him with gratitude when it eventually gets done.
2: Talking too muchIt’s official – us girls love to chat. In the ladies’ loo, at the gym, at the pub we have something to say most of the time. But while no one likes an awkward silence, it’s worth remembering your man is not your sound board, like your best friend might be. He doesn’t care quite as much about Julie in reception’s boob job, or the fact that you’ve been searching high and low for spring’s must-have colour block skinny jeans. Stick to subjects that will interest you both and ask lots of questions especially when you’re getting to know each other.
1: Probing men’s inner thoughtsYou’re snuggled up on the sofa, enjoying a rare moment of peace and quiet. And then comes THAT question ‘What are you thinking?’ You’re only trying to foster the atmosphere of intimacy and perhaps hoping for some proof that you’re the centre of his thoughts. But his mind may have already wandered to yesterday’s football scores and he’ll have to lie to keep you happy. Compliments are lovely, but if you wait until he chooses to dish them out, they’ll be that much sweeter.
– (published in “The Hindu” dated 22.03.2012)
Often we find that we are unable to get on with our parents, or siblings, or spouses. The reason is no one is without the thought of self. No one is without an ego. So there is bound to be friction when people are thrown about in each other’s company for a long time. But what then is the solution? Should one shun one’s relatives, in the desire to avoid friction? How much importance should we give to our independence? The refusal to make even minor adjustments to accommodate one’s own family has led to members of a family not even keeping in touch with each other. Siblings who grew up together, no longer tolerate each other, when they are adults. It is sad when they can hardly bear to be in the company of their extended family for long. But we must learn the art of peaceful co-existence, Suki Sivam stressed in a discourse.
Children of the present era use the word ‘self- reliant’ with abandon, thinking that human beings can be dispensed with and that life can go on merrily if one has enough money for creature comforts. But human beings are not dispensable. Nor can they be cast aside once their services are no longer needed. In fact one must realise that one cannot live in isolation, and that it is one’s family that rallies round in times of need.
The need for co-operation and gregariousness has been demonstrated in the animal world. There was a time when there was an unusually cold winter, in a place where there was a colony of porcupines. To keep warm, the porcupines huddled together. Because of the bristles on their bodies, they were injuring each other, but they still kept close to each other for, if they moved away, they would die without the bodily warmth of the other porcupines. So although there was a lot of discomfort, the porcupines stayed close together and survived. Likewise, a family is not without its share of annoyances and irritations and even quarrels. But if we cite this as a reason for moving away from our kith and kin, then we will be left with no one to help us in times of need. We need each other for our very survival. So we must learn to co-exist peacefully with others, so that our life on this earth does not become difficult.