Funniest divorce letter ever

Dear Wife , I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had anew haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; You don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; Whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX- Husband  P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia

together!  Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told youthis, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.”

 

 

 

DONKEY

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;  it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! ***** Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy: Free your heart from hatred! – Forgive. Free your mind from worries – Most never happen. Live simply and appreciate what you have. Give more. Expect less. NOW …….Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.  The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.   MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite  you.

Sex is good for your health :

There are many benefits of having a good sex life. Read on…

If you thought the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here’s some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love regularly is even better! Not only does it help you sleep well, relieve stress and burn calories, there are several other reasons why you need to have sex more often.

IMPROVES CARDIOVASCULAR HEALTH

A recent study says that men who have sex more than twice a week, had lesser risk of getting a heart attack than men who had sex less than once a month.

REDUCES STRESS

Stressed out with work or family problems? Don’t let it affect your performance in the bedroom. Not only will having sex improve your mood, but a study has proved that folks who indulge in regular bedroom activities can handle stress better and are happier people generally.

RELIEVES PAIN

If you’re using your headache as an excuse not to make love, stop doing it. Just when you’re about to have an orgasm,the level of the hormone – oxytocin, increases by five times. The release of endorphins reduces aches and pains.

PROMOTES LONGEVITY

When one has an orgasm, a hormone called Dehydroepiandrosterone isreleased, which improves your immunity and keeps the skin healthy. Men who have at least two orgasms a week live longer than men who have sex just once every few weeks.

INCREASES BLOOD CIRCULATION

Because your heart rate increases while having sex, fresh blood is supplied to your organs and cells. While used blood is removed, you also discard things from your body that cause you to feel tired.

YOU SLEEP BETTER


Notice that just after you make love, you get a much relaxed sleep thereafter. A good night’s sleep will make you healthy overall.

IMPROVES OVERALL FITNESS

If you find going to the gym mundane or working out at home a task, here’s another way to help you lose the flab and keep in shape. Regular sex will do wonders for your waistline. Half an hour of love making burns more than 80 calories! Hope these reasons are motivating enough.

Nine Days of Navratri

‘Nava-ratri’ is one of the most important Hindu festivals in the country. It is celebrated with immense zeal and enthusiasm all over the country. It is celebrated twice a year -once in Chaitra (March-April) and the other in Ashwin (September-October). Navartra literally means ‘nine auspicious nights’. It is actually the worship of the Goddess of power in order to seek her protection from any possible kind of threat and calamities that may destroy the peaceful life of people on earth. As she is the goddess of power, she is believed to have the power of creation, preservation and destruction.

Nine Days Navaratri Celebrations
Navaratri is separated into sets of three days i.e. into three sets. These sets are made in order to adore different facets of the supreme goddess. On the initial three days, the Goddess is invoked as the supreme powerful force called Durga. Goddess Durga is meant to all our contaminations, evils and defects. On the next three days, she is worshipped as the mother of spiritual wealth, Goddess Lakshmi, She is the one who is considered to have the power of showering on her devotees with the blessings of never-ending wealth. In the final set of three days, the Goddess is worshipped as the goddess of wisdom, Saraswati. The one is responsible for spiritual enlightenment and overall success in life.

She is also worshipped under nine different names for the nine days in Navratri. Every day, she assumes a new character, a new look and a new duty. She is worshipped as Shailputri, Brahmacharini, Chandraghanta, Kushmanda, Skanda Mata, Katyayani, Kalratri, Maha Gauri and Siddhidatri. For the initial six the Pooja celebrations are limited to home. The celebrations acquire a festive form since the seventh day when the festivities of Navratri surround the atmosphere.

First Day Pooja
The first form of Goddess Durga is called Shailputri . She is considered the daughter of the Himalayas. She is a form of Shakti, the consort of Lord Shiva.

Second Day Pooja
The second form of Goddess Durga is known as ‘Brahmacharini’. Her name is derivative of the word ‘Brahma’, which means ‘Tapa’ or penace. She is also a form of Uma or Parvati, a form of Mata Shakti.

Third Day Pooja
On the third day the goddess is worshipped as Chandraghanta. She is the symbolic representation of beauty and bravery.

Fourth Day Pooja
Kushmanda, is the form of the goddess which is worshipped on the fourth day. It is believed that Kushmanda is the creator of the entire Universe and she has created the entire Universe by her laugh.

Fifth Day Pooja
On the fifth day, the form of Goddess is called Skand Mata. She is actually called so because she is here represented as the mother of Skanda, the chief warrior of the Gods army.

Sixth Day Pooja
On the sixth day, the goddess is worshipped as Katyayani. Seated on her vehicle lion, Katyayani has three eyes and four hands.

Seventh Day Pooja
On the seventh day, the Goddess is worshipped as ‘Kalratri’. As the name suggests, Kalrati is as black as a dark night. She has four hands, she is meant to make the devotees fearless.

Eighth Day Pooja
On the eight day, the Mata Rani is worshipped as ‘Maha Gauri’. She is considered to extremely beautiful, white like snow and accessorized with white colored ornaments. She represents calmness and exhibits wisdom.

Ninth Day Pooja
On the ninth day, Durga is worshipped as Siddhidatri. It is believed she consists of all the eight siddhis. She lives on lotus and is worshipped by all the Rishis-Munis, Siddhas, Sadhakas and Yogis.

 

How To Run Android on your Netbook or PC

Google’s open-source phone operating system, Android, has gained quite a bit of popularity since it was released, with a large number of Android smart phones from various companies hitting the market all the time.

But if you just want to play with Android, or you want to run it on your netbook because it’s fast and light, you wouldn’t have been able to for quite a while, without building it from source.

But now, you can, very easily.

 

 

Why should I run Android?

  • Designed for phones, so if you run it on a computer, it becomes so much faster
  • Simple interface
  • Lots of web-centric applications
  • And now, very simple to set up

Until now, if you wanted to run Android on your EeePC, you’d have to build it yourself with the source code from the Cupcake repository.

But now, with the Android x86 project coming up fast, you don’t even need to know the what “source code” means to run it on your netbook!

Let’s get started

First of all, you’ll need the installer image. Head over to the download page and look under “stable release”. You should see iso images (for CDs) and USB stick .img files.

So choose – CD (download .iso) or USB stick (download .img)?

For USB (recommended)
Download the .img.gz file (GZipped .img) and extract it.
To extract, double click (on Ubuntu) or, if you’re on Windows, use either Power Archiver or WinRAR.

You will now have a .img file.
To write this file to your USB stick, follow the instructions on this post.

As a quick guide,
On Ubuntu, download and install imagewriter from the software store.

 

 

On Windows, download and install Win32 Image writer and run it.

Now reboot your computer and set to BIOS to boot from USB.

For CD

Download the ISO image and burn it on to a CD, using your favourite CD burning software.
You can use Brasero for Linux, or Nero for Windows.

Once you’ve written the CD, reboot your computer and change your BIOS setting to boot from CD.

Running and installing Android

Once you boot the USB stick/CD, you should see a boot menu:

 

From here, you can choose to try out Android, or install it (not recommended).
The whole thing is a little buggy at present, so it’s better you don’t install it. It works really fast from a USB drive, so you don’t really need to install it.
Running it from the USB drive won’t change your existing setup in any way, do not worry.

For lots of screenshots, click here.

Will it run on my computer?

If you have an intel processor, chances are it will. However, it has only been tested to work on the following netbooks:

  • 701
  • 701SD
  • 900
  • 900A
  • 901
  • 904HD
  • 1000
  • 1000HE
  • 1000HD
  • 1005HAG
  • S101
  • T91 (VESA mode), touchscreen works.
  • Eee Top 1602C (VESA mode), touchscreen works.
  • Lenovo ThinkPad x61 Tablet